Sometimes a girl just needs them....

Tonight, I’m feeling a bit melancholic and alone. I’ve let myself have feelings about a guy. Not for him, about him. He doesn’t give me the right amount of attention, he won’t call me, he hasn’t seen me in a week (granted, I can’t drive to see him, so I cannot fault him), and he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me. However, even though I know he’s a horrible candidate for fuck buddy, I still want him…and that’s only because I don’t know anybody else in the area. I can’t stand that I’m allowing myself to act this way.

You know what?! I’m gonna go have a screwdriver and read a book!

Current condition: Slowly seeping into madness.

On Friday, 13 September, I did an adult act. I haven't talked to the guy (who I'd been seeing for a month) since two days after the deed...so really, it's only been two days since we've spoken, but I really feel out of sorts. It's not that I'm overly fond of him, and it's not that I feel the need to talk to him, it's just that I want to make sure that I wasn't just some conquest to him. However, I don't know whether I should text/call him, or just wait. I don't want him to think that I'm clinging on to him because he took my virginity, but I don't want him to think I'm not interested in him anymore since the happening.* So, I'm just lying here wondering what I should do, but not able to talk to my mother about it (because she thinks it was a stupid decision to sleep with him in the first place) and I can't talk to my friends (because they feel the same way). It's a tad bit stressful for no gosh dern reason.

*notice how I can never really say that I had sex.