3:30 AM

So I’m lying here again, but this time pondering the art of lying. Not lying with you. No. Lying to you. Or rather us lying to each other. Truthfully, we only wanted someone to kill and fill the mutual moments of random longing our current states cause. We both knew that our minds were elsewhere, caught on loves we couldn’t have, but wanted more desperately than Russians crave central heating in the middle of January. We were wrapped up in a frozen haze of need. It chilled one of us into a solid state, their being no longer fluid, now forgetting such previous incarnations. One of us was shallow, and one of us was deep…in the Egyptian river. Sunk to the bottom, pulling lesson after lesson, like reeds do silt, and growing. We both grew, but one of us less so, because teachers don’t surpass students…they just keep repeating the same lessons over again. And my brain goes on tangents, and finally comes back to lying instead of the truth. I’m not bitter, I’m better. Lies. I’m bitter and better. Truth. But lies…. I didn’t waste a month and a half of my time. I didn’t feel pressured sometimes. I didn’t let my head talk me into foolishness. I didn’t break promises to myself. I am angry that I gave so much for someone not really worth it because there was absolutely nothing to gain in wisdom. I don’t have better people in my life. I need you to talk to me. Im surprised you acted this way. It’s 3:30 AM, truth, and I’m thinking about what I learned from this. And about her and him, but not you.

And then the phone rings...