...and it put my heart in a very precarious predicament.
We all do it at some point in our lives, expose our hearts to others without thinking about the repercussions. It doesn't happen often, because we learn from those mistakes, but when it does, occasionally the damage can be irreparable. Personally, I've never really put my heart on the line. Before now, nobody even showed any real interest in getting acquainted with it. Truthfully, even now I don't believe the one person I've shown bits of it to even wants that part of me (other parts, yes, just not my heart). He's sweet, kind, caring, intelligent and quite funny, but how does one broach the topic of "Does your interest in me go farther than my box?" in a delicate manner? It's not something one does in the middle of normal conversation.
"I really am happy about the Israel/Palestine cease fire. Yes. I do find this poet to be amazing. Oh! Have you noticed that I like you as much as your not-so-little friend?"
It's wicked awkward and there is no easy way to talk about relationship statuses. Deep down though, I know he doesn't like me as much as I like him. It's not hard to see the signs, but he throws mixed signals more than I do, so we're always stuck at an 4-way intersection, trying to figure out who really has the right-away, and it drives me to question my sanity at times...but for some reason I can't seem to shake him. This might sound crazy to some, but I believe the Universe and all of the divine powers put different people in your life for specific purposes. It could be that you need them, they need you or some symbiotic relationship needs to happen for you two to grow...or some other shite. What I'm trying to get out is that I feel as if he was placed in my life for a purpose. I just haven't figured out what that purpose is yet.
Now, I'm just sitting around trying not to think about him and trying not to wait for a text or a phone call. I've never been that girl with ANY person that I'm crushing on. I have a "call me or don't call me. IDGAF" attitude when it comes to these types of matters. So WTF am I doing to myself? Why am I letting myself get so caught up in something so fleeting as a relationship? Would you like the real truth or a small truth? Well you can't have the real truth because it's too damn depressing and real to even say out loud. Even thinking it makes me want to shut myself off from the world for a few days, so you'll get a small truth. I really enjoy talking to him, even if it's at 5 AM.
Peace, Love and 4 Part Harmony
Yvonne Santos
Listening to: Justin Nozuka - Heartless (live) and Justin Nozuka - By Your Side (Sade cover)
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