I've been in a bit of a slump recently, and it seems to be one that I just cannot pull my self up from. I started to write a piece on the recent influx of negative commentary from the academic world on Django last week.... It's still sitting on my desktop about 3/5 of the way finished. It's like I lose steam any time I try to write something productively. Even writing this post seems to take a level of mental focus and fortitude that I cannot muster up. It leaves me questioning my self: Am I lazy? Is this the problem? Why can't I just do what I set out to?
Then I think about it even more. There's just something missing in my life. Being in this town is slowly draining away my will to live (in a sense, please don't worry, I am not thinking of killing myself), and I need to leave as soon as possible. However, it's completely selfish of me to leave right at this moment. My little brother is preparing to enter the Air Force, and it's going to be a drastic change for the household since both children will be gone. When my brother and I leave, my dad is going to be alone by himself, and I'm worried about how he'll take care of himself. Will he wake up for work on time? Will he drink more than he should? Will he remember to pay the water bill on time?
I know it's not my responsibility to worry about everyone's sanity before my own, but this is my family, and leaving them worries me more so than it did when I went to college. This doesn't change the fact that I will be leaving, and the date is approaching faster than ever. So I (try to) suck it all up, finish writing this Django piece, complete the post that will be this one, and maybe sleep a few hours. I'm just going to try and take it step by step and only worry about what I can actually affect right at this moment.
I bid you good night/morning and a pleasant tomorrow/today.
Peace Love and 4 Part Harmony,
Yvonne
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